Nextdoor Swing
Get the inside scoop on Swinger and Ethical Non Monogamy Lifestyle travel and events! Hosted by veteran lifestyle couple and full time RVers, Cora and Max. They hope to entertain and educate listeners with information based on their personal experiences. Listeners can expect to laugh, be intrigued and maybe even have a few head nods along the way. Have somewhere you think they should visit? Email ideas to nextdoorswing@gmail.com, also follow on Instagram @nextdoorswing and Facebook NextdoorSwing.
Nextdoor Swing
Ep 10: Mailbag: Jealousy, Boundaries, Confidence
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Mailbag time, and we’re tackling the questions couples whisper about and Google at 2 a.m.—jealousy, boundaries, confidence, saying no with grace, and where to start without blowing up your relationship. We get real about what actually works when the room gets hot and emotions run higher, sharing scripts, rituals, and mindset shifts forged over 12 years in the lifestyle.
We break down the building blocks of trust with practical moves: set expectations before events, use direct language during play, and debrief the morning after. You’ll hear how we manage jealousy by choosing calm moments, swapping “me” for “we,” and staying vulnerable even when it’s uncomfortable. We talk confidence as a habit—taking care of your health, complimenting each other often, and walking across the room to introduce yourself. Rejection? It happens to everyone. A simple “not tonight” keeps it kind and keeps doors open.
We also map the spectrum—from soft swap and full swap to exclusivity and poly dynamics—highlighting why four hearts are harder to align than two and how radical communication keeps feelings from outrunning agreements. New to the scene or returning after years away? We share why Bliss Cruise and Naughty in New Orleans are supportive first steps with seminars, play spaces, and room to regroup. Age and body-image myths get tossed too: the lifestyle is inclusive by design, spanning every body type, ability, and decade of life, and the most magnetic trait is respect.
If you’re curious how couples stay close while exploring boldly, this conversation offers clear tools, honest stories, and a permission slip to go slow. Subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review with the one question you still want answered—we might feature it in our next mailbag.
Welcome & Purpose Of Mailbag
SPEAKER_00This podcast is intended for adult audiences over the age of 18. The podcast includes adult language, situations, sexually explicit material. Listeners, please be advised.
SPEAKER_01Welcome to Next Door Splane, a podcast about lifestyle travel and events, hosted by veteran lifestyle couple, Cora and Max. In each episode, we hope to entertain, educate, and provide information based on our own personal experiences. The views, thoughts, and ideas expressed are solely our own and not to be taken as professional advice. Hey there. Welcome. We are on episode 10. We're taking a little different approach to this episode. This we're doing a full mailbag, a QA. We've had so many questions.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we've had a lot of feedback and a lot of questions from you folks. So we want to take a whole episode to just talk about those questions that you guys sent us in and just take our time, work our way through each one of them, and kind of give you guys that information right back to you guys.
Recent Trips: Bliss, Caliente, Secrets
SPEAKER_01That's right. That's right. All right, a little bit about what we've been up to before we get into this QA. Uh, we just recently returned from the Bliss cruise.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we had a beautiful four-night uh cruise with Bliss, and it was amazing. And we'll talk about those a little bit more later in the episode. However, I will just emphasize right here, it was 60% brand new lifestylers and newbies to a cruise ship. So it was amazing.
SPEAKER_01So fun, such a good time. We've also spent uh several nights at Caliente partying and dancing, listened to some DJs there, and then upcoming soon, we have a couple of trips to Secrets on the Docket.
SPEAKER_00Yep.
SPEAKER_01And then in about four or five weeks, we are heading out of Florida.
SPEAKER_00We are finally getting out of Florida and coming out to those neighborhoods near you.
SPEAKER_01All right, let's go ahead and get into yeah.
SPEAKER_00But before we start, I want uh you guys grab your drink, get settled in because you notice we are, and uh we're gonna hit these questions and answers just for you guys.
SPEAKER_01All right. Some of these are kind of hard questions.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I almost feel like we're psychiatrists or doggers. But we're not.
SPEAKER_01We're not we're not, we're not. I mean, we have worked through all of these questions in our 12 years of lifestyle, um, and we've learned a lot along the way. But I also want to emphasize we're not experts.
SPEAKER_00We are definitely not experts.
SPEAKER_01We are this is just our opinion, right?
SPEAKER_00Our opinion and uh our experiences. We're gonna follow up majority of these questions with some of our experiences to kind of emphasize exactly how we got through it or how we operate uh in hopes that maybe you guys might be able to clinch onto one of those things and be able to maybe take that step and get your toes a little wet. Uh or if you're already seasoned lifestyles and it's just another tidbit that you can put in your toolbox that you can use next time you're at Trappies or any one of those sexy resorts.
SPEAKER_01That's right. All of these questions came to us through our uh mailbag, and that mailbag is through our email and nextdoorswing at gmail.com.
SPEAKER_00What is it again?
SPEAKER_01Nextdoorswing at gmail.com. Um, so many of you have reached out to us, so many newbies, so many people across the country. It's really fun to get these emails and to talk with you. So we appreciate that.
Mailbag Source & Listener Emails
SPEAKER_00And as a matter of fact, we just got a set of questions this morning on our email that we'll add on to the very end. We added on to the very end here, and we'll talk about those at the end, which I think are the probably the some of the greatest questions. We get these same questions all the time. And that's why we wanted to elaborate and talk to nobody here. So, what's the first question?
SPEAKER_01First question says, How do you manage jealousy and maintain a healthy and secure bond in the lifestyle?
Jealousy, Trust, And Communication
SPEAKER_00Well, uh that one That's a big one, right off the ball. That one's a big one. Yeah, we almost want to call Dr. Ruth on that one. Uh, I would say, from my perspective, my perspective, uh, it really goes right along with what I had uh Miss Corra bring up as another question that was uh we were gonna tackle a little bit later, but I wanted to bring it right up in the same uh echelon of this question is trust and uh intimacy. Trust and intimacy goes right along with managing your jealousy and then a healthy security bond between you and your partner. And as you've heard me say over and over and over again, the very first thing it starts all that off with is communication. Communication, good, healthy communication. And if you have jealousy already into your uh relationship as a couple, whether you're married or not married, uh you're just gonna elaborate on that and continue. It's gonna continue to come up over and over again.
SPEAKER_01It's going to be amplified.
SPEAKER_00Amplified.
SPEAKER_01Yes, it will be highlighted, a spotlight will be on that, it will be amplified. Yeah. So it's best to work through um as you know best as you can before lifestyle and have those conversations beforehand. But they are going to come up in lifestyle situations too. And sometimes you don't even know that it's going to come up until it actually comes up.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and that's exactly where communication comes in. And what I said at the beginning, which, you know, thanks, Ms. Goris, you brought this up before we even got on uh live here, is it's healthy communication, right? Sure, you can you can yell and scream at your partner, but how the hell healthy is that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it has to, it cannot be accusatory uh communication, because then that shuts the other person off. So it has to be open communication. It has to be when the people that you're communicating with are in a healthy space themselves. So not a screaming and yelling match, not um, you know, not a time whenever it is volatile. It needs to be healthy, relaxed, open communication. And the the person you're communicating with needs to be open to receive what you're saying as well.
SPEAKER_00And and that's where, you know, going back to communication, if you've already got a jealous, you've got to be able to communicate that. If there's been something in the past that's happened in your relationship and it keeps coming up, you've got to be able to, and this is gonna be difficult to do as well, open up and be vulnerable. That's a big word, vulnerable, because nobody wants to be vulnerable, show those cracks. But you need to be uh be able to talk to your partner and be able to be a little bit vulnerable to accept some, you know, some lashback because that's what's gonna happen, but you gotta be able to talk about it, work your way through. And once you do, guess what? The sparks are gonna fly. And next thing you know, your communication, your relationship.
Boundaries Before Events And Play
SPEAKER_01And you're even stronger, that closer to your to your partner, you're even that much more bonded to them because you've you've talked about things. Another thing I would I would highly recommend that you do is when you're talking to your partner is ask a lot of questions. How can we do this? What would make you feel best to do this? How can I help you or help us figure this out? And and that that's important with the wording. I I really think that it's healthy if you put away the me and the I and add in the us and the we. And the feels and the feels and the feelings as it goes along with it. Well, and then I I when you do that, I feel or I feel neglected, or I feel, you know, whatever it is. You have to work through a lot of those feelings. And it's hard, it's not easy to do that, and especially in the moment, um, when something's happening in the moment.
SPEAKER_00And to tackle the piece about intimacy, that kind of goes right along the lines with boundaries. And again, boundaries go right along the lines of with communication. So you've got to communicate as a couple what you want to get out of, not just the lifestyle in general, but out of every meeting and every occurrence you're getting ready to do. So if you're going to a club, for instance, for instance, how we tend to operate is when we are getting ready to go to a club, we will we'll communicate about, hey, this is what I'm I'm not expecting to do tonight, or what but this is what I would like to see occur tonight, or what I'm feeling. And it might be, hey, I'm not feeling so great tonight. So I just want to be with you. Or I don't feel like playing tonight, but uh, let's go have a good time.
SPEAKER_01Right. And if you say that in the beginning, then the expectation can be known. Um there's there's a lot of times when couples, and and we are one of those couples that we'll go into a party and it might be a play kind of night. There may be playrooms there, and I will communicate early on. I want to go to the playroom, but I only want to play with you. And that might just be because where we're at in life at that moment. You know, if there's a lot of things going on in our vanilla world, in our real world, you know, financial things or health things or, you know, things with the kids or the parents or whatever, I might not be in a play space that I want other atten others' attention as far as sexually, but I need his.
SPEAKER_00Right. And that goes right into, you know, the intimacy, the trust, that communication is the foundation now. All that is trust, all is that interconnected with communication, be able to communicate.
SPEAKER_01Well, and then also I want to say, ladies, your partner cannot read your mind. You have to state what you want and don't want. They cannot read your mind. They they need to hear verbally what it is you're thinking. Yep. So that that's a it's a big deal. And it takes a lot of time and practice. I think it takes a lot of practice to be able to communicate well.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. And you know, so you know, we can go down this road and and probably spend an hour on this, but I think we've answered that question to the fact of how do you manage jealousy and maintain a healthy, secure bond to include trust and intimacy. It really comes down to communication, communicate what those things are, uh, and and that will help build trust. And the next thing you know, you're going down that road. And with intimacy peace, it is setting up those boundaries and staying to them until you both feel secure enough that you're willing to go above and beyond.
SPEAKER_01And also never be afraid to walk away from a situation and have a little conversation with your partner.
SPEAKER_00Very, very good.
SPEAKER_01It's okay to say, Hey, I just need a minute to to conversate with you about this. Or, you know, to step away. And that's always okay.
Building Confidence And Self‑Esteem
SPEAKER_00Because you gotta remember the most important part of this whole thing, the lifestyle, is the relationship of the couple. That's right. The two of you guys together, whether you're partners, whether you're married, whether whatever you are, it's about you guys and nobody else. Yep. Okay. Next question.
SPEAKER_01What strategies do you employ to ensure strong self-confidence and self-esteem?
SPEAKER_00Well, ladies, these ones don't get any. Oh, they're hard. We started with any hard ones. I might need to take another drink to that one.
SPEAKER_01We started with the hard ones. So, what strategies do you employ to ensure strong self-confidence and self-esteem?
SPEAKER_00Well, I honestly think it's all about what the uh, or we think it's all about the environment you put yourself in and what uh, you know, how you feel on a day-to-day basis. And it really kind of goes back to a little bit anyway about that communication piece. If you're not on the same page and communicating, then you're gonna have a little bit of question about your partner, a little bit of question about yourself, and then you put yourself into an environment where that the thing's just gonna explode. So I kind of think that it really kind of goes along with you got to take care of yourself uh health-wise. Now I will say too, and we've talked about this often, when we were up in uh Virginia and the Virginia Beach area, and we were in the lifestyle uh as we've been doing this again for like 12 years, um we were we we we kind of felt as if we could take the winter months off. Right. We could take the winter months off and not have to worry about our bodies and our self-confidence and all that stuff.
SPEAKER_01Coats and scarves and hats, and it's cold, it's winter, so it's kind of a it's a down down season.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so it's it's downtime. However, now that we're in Florida, um, what's our motto?
SPEAKER_01It's a full-time sport.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, life life lifestyle and swinging is a life is a full-time sport.
SPEAKER_01So uh there's no downtime. We're always working out, we're always, you know, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, that's a good point. That's another way of making sure that your self-esteem and self-confidence is up, is just by going to the gym.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I'm not talking about eating well, being healthy, taking care of yourself. Um, that alone boosts self-confidence, regardless of lifestyle, regardless of anything lifestyle or anything lifestyle on this spectrum. Um, you know, it's been shown that people who normally work out have higher self-esteem.
SPEAKER_00Now, fellas, I'm gonna talk and I'm looking right here to talk to you guys on this point. The what you can do to help your your spouse, your wife, your significant other uh with their self-confidence and whatever is just always be appreciative of them and and put themselves, put them right in the center. They should be the center of your universe with everything going around it. And you if they don't feel that way every day, then uh they're not gonna have that self-confidence or self-esteem to want to bridge out and do stuff with others. Because remember, if we when it's already difficult with two people, life is difficult with two people. You're thinking about dating another, going out. I mean, essentially, lifestyle is what it is. You're trying to meet other people, kind of dating other people. So if you're bringing a third, a fourth, hell, if you're talking about a tenth, or you know, all you know, the all that kind of stuff, you're bringing all that baggage to the to the forefront to the game. So all that that's that's a lot on each one of you two. So just remember that, and that you gotta set up set yourselves up for um make sure yourself or both you two are successful, and that is starting with the two of you.
SPEAKER_01I think that is such a good thing to say is that I always feel more confident whenever he compliments me and he boosts me up. Because again, he's the most important person in my world. And so when he boosts me up and he, you know, tells me I look great and I look sexy and you know, smacks me on the ass whenever I walk by, things like that, then that helps that confidence. So, women, you also really should do that to your man as well. Um, build him up, you know, the same thing. Like let him know he looks sexy. Remember, you're dating him too. That uh so you know, bring that energy and bring that uh to the relationship.
How Lifestyle Strengthened Our Marriage
SPEAKER_00And one last part on the self-confidence and self-esteem, too, is remember that everybody in the room is just like you, one way, shape, form, or another, right? We all got the same body parts, we all got the same things going on in our lives for the most part. Yeah. And uh when you are at a house party or when you're at a club or you're at a resort, just take a minute to look around and be like, huh, I've got this because everybody's just like me. We're all here for the same reason, and we're all, you know, same body parts, like I mentioned. And yeah, sure, some of us look different, whatever. But once you start talking to people, and that's another thing too with self-confidence and self-esteem, don't sit in the corner and don't sit there and be the ones that be judging and saying, oh, well, you know, there's a click over there and a click over there. No, no, no. That's not a click, that's a group of people that are confident and they are talking to people other people because they are confident they have that self-esteem to do so. So get up and say hi and introduce yourself and have that same confidence and talking to people.
SPEAKER_01That's that's a huge piece to lifestyle, is is being a little uncomfortable and walking up to people and saying, hi, my name is.
SPEAKER_00Yep.
SPEAKER_01I mean that's it.
SPEAKER_00If they shoot you down, they shoot you down.
SPEAKER_01So what? It's a little rejection, that's okay, you know, and and you move on to to another couple. But you do have there is some element of putting yourself out there in the lifestyle.
SPEAKER_00Yep, I mean there is 100%. And there will be a rejection.
SPEAKER_01I mean, yeah, that's okay.
SPEAKER_00That's okay. All right, what's the next question? What do we got on the docket for the next question?
SPEAKER_01How has the lifestyle shaped your overall relationship? So we're gonna talk about us personally.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, and our relationship is better today than it was when we were married 10 years or married 19 years. We got into lifestyle at 19 years. We were married 19 years. We have been married almost 31 years now. Our relationship is so much richer now than it was the prior in the beginning.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, we have grown, we have struggled, we have ups and we had downs. Uh, but our communication, uh for instance, when we, like I said, we mentioned a little bit earlier, when we are getting ready to go to a club, we're going to an event, going to whatever, we almost kind of give up like a little bit of a pre-brief. Okay, here's what's gonna happen, here's what we're thinking, da-da-da-da, where I'm at. But then we get into uh what we're doing and we follow through and we do, you know, go to the party and have a good time. Then the next morning we always end up over coffee, we always end up giving what I like to call the debrief. Well, hey, that worked for me, that didn't work for me. That was freaking hot. Uh I loved it when she was touching your boobs or all that great stuff.
SPEAKER_01And then also mentioning the things you didn't like so you know it for next time. And and and the way I usually say that is I I didn't love when, you know, da da da da da da, whatever had happened. And fellas, it wasn't my favorite, you know.
Real‑Time Play Communication That Works
SPEAKER_00Yep, and fellas, this is where you've got to be a little bit uh, you know, sit back and just take it in. Because we are the ones I I tend to agree the fact that the guys are usually the ones trying to, I don't want to say push, but trying to, you know, extend the envelope a little bit, maybe push the envelope, yeah. And um we gotta be able to say, oh, you know what? Because another another phrase I like to come up, or I've come up with that I like to use a lot, is uh it's a it's a marathon and not a sprint. That's right. Lifestyle, and this is another question we have coming up. We're gonna be doing this for a while. You're gonna be probably doing this for a while. If you get your toes in, you're you're enjoying it. You're gonna be doing it for a while if you like it. So it's not something you have to do right now. Like everything has to be checked off tonight. Uh it's it's not a race, it's not uh not a sprint, it's a marathon.
SPEAKER_01Well, and enjoy the marathon. Yeah, enjoy every separate enjoy your wife in a threesome in front of you.
SPEAKER_00Enjoy the your wife with another woman, enjoy whatever you guys want to get.
SPEAKER_01Also, enjoy your partner at parties or at events and and have that as well. So we are stronger today with the lifestyle, and I think it's because of lifestyle, our marriage is stronger. Absolutely. We can talk about anything, everything, anything, everything, some things we don't want to talk about, but we talk about it anyway. Um, but nothing is off the table. And I think our intimacy is higher, I think also our bond is higher than it was prior lifestyle because lifestyle makes you communicate and and be vulnerable.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. And and again, once you get into the community, uh, or if you're already in the community, our community is so great that then you'll find yourself communicating with others like you never have on another level. And then next thing you know, you've got great friends that are lawyers, you've got great friends or doctors, and they're willing to help out with whatever your needs are in different circumstances around whatever. Definitely. It's it's crazy. Yeah. All right.
SPEAKER_01So um I want to say just one more thing about that. Um, another thing I notice about our lifestyle friends that's different than our vanilla friends, our vanilla friends are often uh jealous, have a little bit of jealousy about how close we are. Um that has that's come out uh uh with our with our vanilla vanilla.
SPEAKER_00Now, mind you, how many vanilla friends?
SPEAKER_01Okay. The ones that that are vanilla that are not lifestyle, they will they're they're jealous of of our envious. Jealous might not be the word.
SPEAKER_00Envious is probably the better word of our relationship. Yeah, and we've actually got one uh friend that actually wants to join us, and we're like, well, let's slowly get our tiptoes in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So all right. So the next question is what uh oh, what does communication look like for you? Well, and I think we could take this a little bit uh maybe right to like a play experience because we talked about communication like in a relationship question. So maybe like what does communication look like in an actual play experience? If something's working, if something's not working, how do you start it? How do you stop it?
Saying No With Respect
SPEAKER_00I think I'd like to start this one off in saying that both men and for well for us, but then also for both of us out there, men and women, guys and gals, what you have to do is be clear and concise and uh in your communication. That means is you can't just put out a hint and then expect the other to figure it out on the go. Typically, when you're in a play situation, there's blood flow going everywhere but your freaking brain, right? Especially from the guys. We got two brains for a reason, and usually the blood flow is going to the wrong one at that point in time. So if you're expecting us ladies to uh immediately catch on to, and that's kind of a good lead-in to a good uh little story that we had about one of the first times for us that communication didn't work. So uh we were fairly new into the lifestyle, and we uh we weren't we've told part of the story once before, but we uh we were just a couple months into the lifestyle, and we decided to join a group of 10 or 12 couples, or no, I'm sorry, five or six couples, ten or twelve people on a uh on a on a limo ride down to a strip club where we were going down, have a good time, get back in. Now, of course, since we were brand new ish to the lifestyle, we had a whole plethora of all these different boundaries and rules.
SPEAKER_01We can't so many rules.
SPEAKER_00And one was we came up with if either one of us did not like the situation or anything that's going on, we would we one of us would pipe up with, or the one of us that was uncomfortable would come up with a code word or come up. We had established code word. It was coke. We don't like coke, we don't drink coke, so we figured that wouldn't be safe to use.
SPEAKER_01Uh so we said silly inject it in the conversation, and you can inject it anywhere, right?
SPEAKER_00So we were uh in this situation where this one girl was paying, uh paying me a lot of attention. She was also paying uh Miss Cora a lot of attention as well earlier in the night, but then she turned it to me, and then Miss Cora came up with a hey, I think I'm ready for a Coke. And immediately I was like, Nope, I'm good to go. I don't need a Coke, I'm good, whatever. And I'm sitting there getting a blowjob and having a great time. And then uh later on that night, let's tell I'll just tell you this, fellas we had to come to Jesus. It was a straight up come to Jesus, and I felt like I was like Across, and I should have been. I absolutely should have been because again, my blood flow was not going to the right brain, and uh wasn't even thinking about it. And uh obviously Miss Corra was very, very, very upset, and um I was it wasn't like jealousy or anything, but it was just it was going way too fast, way too quick, and uh and again I should have paid attention and listened. Yeah, uh, but it wasn't.
SPEAKER_01But that was a learning experience, and I think, and that's something else from all of our things like that that happened, because that's only one story. There's been many of them. Many um we call them learning experiences. We don't call them negative experiences. We never say it's negative, we say it's a learning experience. Something to build off.
SPEAKER_00Something to build off, make you better the next time. And then uh obviously the next day. Well, actually, it didn't even wait till the next day before we did our debrief. The debrief uh was that happened on the drive home. I don't even think it took that long. As soon as we get outside the limo, uh, I was pulled by my ear to the side and like, hey, let's have a conversation. And and rightfully so, right? Rightfully so. Um, and we're stronger today because of that. Yeah, and so if you're out there and you're thinking about getting into the lifestyle and you're thinking about establishing code words, my experience, our experience, I would rethink that because again, blood work is or the blood flow is not going to the right brain at the time of shit's going down. Right, right, right, right.
Newbie Guide: Where To Start
SPEAKER_01Uh so communication, what does it look like for us in now in the lifestyle, like in play situations? We will, you know, go to each other, whisper in an ear, hey, I'm feeling this. How do you feel about it? Or we'll step away sometime.
SPEAKER_00Miss Cora said earlier, there's absolutely like if a couple presents themselves to you, and and because you'll get into these situations. You come to some parties where people are DPF and they are down to fuck, and uh they're coming right up to you right out of the get-go, and be like, Hey, uh, you guys want to take it to the next level, to the next room? And uh, there's nothing wrong with saying, Hey, I need to communicate this with my partner and step out the side and grasp yourself, collect yourself, and then come back to the table. Because remember, it's about you guys as a couple or as you know, partners in this uh tag team event.
SPEAKER_01Definitely. Um, body language is also important in in play situations. Um, you know, some people have a tapping uh you know, if they're tapping under a table, or you know, that some people do that, some people do the code words.
SPEAKER_00I would just say clear and concise. The whole touch, even the touching thing, uh, because again, you're in a might be in a play, well, you might be in a play situation, right? And they might think that that's just part of the play. Uh, so I would just say if you if you have something on your gut instinct that you need to talk about or something needs to come up, I would just say stop the situation and communicate it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, communicate.
SPEAKER_00Whether good, bad, or indifferent. That's right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01All right, let's move on. Next question is what is your opinion about couples being exclusive in the lifestyle?
SPEAKER_00Wow, we're back on the hot seat again.
SPEAKER_01I know. So this is like um a couple is exclusive only with another couple. It's almost like a poly relationship, right? It means that they're not necessarily swingers anymore. They're in a poly relationship. And again, the the the definitions are kind of wild. Wishy-washy. They're they're wishy-washy, right? In our in our lifestyle, in our world. Well, to me, this goes along that spectrum that we've talked about a lot. We've talked about lifestyle being a spectrum. And like on the on the one side of the spectrum are couples that are curious, couples that are nudists, that don't really play with other couples. Then we have couples in the center that, you know, to me is more of swingers, and then we have the other side that's more poly poly relationships. And poly just means more than one person in a relationship that includes feelings. Um, and that's a key one. That's a that's a big one, right? And so whenever another couple is exclusive with another couple, that means they're not having sex outside of those four people. That's that's what it means. And oftentimes there's feelings involved.
SPEAKER_00And this is a difficult one. Yeah, this is a difficult one because this is not something that we uh we are quite, I would say into, but but it hasn't presented itself to us. However, we've seen it with several of our couple friends have either been in, uh been part of, and from our experience, our experience only, and again, putting up my hand here and justifying as a quarter piece, whatever, that uh we are not experts on this, but from our experience, I don't think we've ever seen one actually work out to be to work out good on the good side. Let's let's just put it that way. Uh, because and many fail. We've seen a many fail. Now, are the does that mean that all of them fail? Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_01I mean, it's just like any other relationship, right?
Age Myths: Too Old Or Too Young?
SPEAKER_00Well, that's where I was going with this, actually. This is another it's a extenuation of what we talked about earlier. Right. You're bringing a whole nother couple into your um position as a couple, and now not only are you talking about two sets of feelings, now you're talking about four, and then as soon as that, but as you mentioned, it usually does become you know introducing feelings, and then that L word comes out, and then there's a closer bond here, then there's a closer bond over there, or vice versa, you know, wherever. It's much easier to upset the cart, I guess is the best way to put it.
SPEAKER_01Obviously, because there's more people involved. Right. You know, there's more feelings involved. You think it's a lot of feelings with two people out of third or out a fourth, and then it's you know a whole lot more. So, you know, polycouples do exist, they do exist successfully. Um, we we do know actually, one polycouple that it does work really well for them. Absolutely. Um, and and it just depends on what what you're looking for.
SPEAKER_00And what you want as a couple, exactly. And what might be the thing you want to be a couple, exactly. It might be exactly what you want.
SPEAKER_01Right. And I would I would highly recommend, again, going back to that communication. Communication is so important, especially in that, because you have to communicate not only with your partner, but with the other partners that you're introducing as a poly relationship. Um, and again, we're no experts on poly relationships uh because it's not our wheelhouse. We prefer, and this is again just us, we prefer to keep our relationship and our marriage at the center of our lifestyle journey, um, and always it to be about each other, not necessarily about the other, you know, couples and right that we're that we're with.
SPEAKER_00Yep. Yeah, absolutely. Hard questions. Thanks for the questions. Uh those are all hard ones at this point. But uh now the next question is how do you turn down a couple that you are not interested in if they approach you at a at a play situation?
SPEAKER_01Another hard one.
SPEAKER_00No, I think this one's damn well easy. This is probably the easiest one at all. No, we're not interested. Sorry, have a nice night.
SPEAKER_01Well, it could be that you don't want to, you don't want to, you don't want to come off rude, you don't want to come off um boasterist or narcissistic or or you know that. Um, you want to be kind, but uh chemistry is not there with everyone.
SPEAKER_00Yep.
SPEAKER_01And and and that's just the truth.
SPEAKER_00Well, not even just chemistry, but as we talked about earlier, you could be in a situation where we got a ton of shit going on in our family life that your brain is not even turned on to the fact of you don't even think yourself sexy at the moment. And I'm not talking about anybody in particular, but you might not feel sexy in the moment, you just might not want to. So specifically that might not be the other couple that you might be turned on to them, you might think they're sexy and shit. You just you're not in the mind space, you're not in the mind space yourself.
SPEAKER_01Right. Or or or there might maybe be other limitations that it just can't work. For example, I'm gonna give an example.
SPEAKER_00Oh boy.
Bodies, Inclusivity, And Fitness
SPEAKER_01On our no, this is an okay one. On our our last uh Bliss cruise, last night of the Bliss cruise, we had set up a date with a couple, and we kind of knew that we were going to have them back to our room. Uh well that happened, and in the middle of like going from dinner to another place, we had come across another couple that we'd really been wanting to get with for over a year, and they were looking super sexy, and they're like, What are you doing next? And I'm like, Oh shit. Oh man, we were already committed. We were already committed, and so that's the reason of the no that night is we were already committed. No, not saying that we don't want to, because we know I mean but it it just you know oh we were stuck and we know you're out there, but but it's okay um because we still had a great time with the couple that we were with, it was fantastic, and then that other couple, they're still going to be there. And we're gonna see them again. It's okay, you know, to to not make something happen. Again, it's a marathon and not a sprint. Um, and so also I wanted to say, like in a play situation in a playroom, if someone comes up to you and they say, May I touch, may I join? One of the best ways to say no is not tonight.
SPEAKER_00Not tonight.
SPEAKER_01Not tonight. And that is open-ended. That also happened on the Bliss Cruise. We were in a group, we were in a group play area on one bed. A couple came over, I was blindfolded. Um, you were rubbing me with oil, and uh a guy or a girl, I don't remember which, said, you know, may we touch, and you just simply said not tonight.
SPEAKER_00Well, that was a very unique situation, too. So let me I'll expound on a little bit as as Miss Cora said she had a blindfold on. We were in a uh, it was actually called a dancing play, to where it was bed set up around a dance floor, people were dancing, whatever. And uh as we were doing our thing on the big group bed area, uh blindfolded on Miss Cora, and I was watching the obviously people dance and listen and join the music, which is phenomenal to do. And uh this couple made a V line as soon as they came walking in, they saw us and they came right over towards us. So I already knew that they were interested. Female, very attractive. Uh the guy was not the type. Well, not not Miss Cora's type, but it made even more evidently clear as he was undressing, he wasn't your type. So that's why I was kind of still apprehensive. But then when he was undressing, then he uh approached and said, uh, you know, can I touch or can we touch? Yeah, can we touch is what the question was. I was like, you know, not tonight. Not tonight. And uh, because I I I already knew uh uh Miss Cora's type and uh what she was into, and I was like, no, I'm not gonna push those boundaries. The girlfriend or the wife that he was with, gorgeous, hot. Now, if it was just maybe her, maybe it might have been a different story, but uh just we're wasn't feeling it that night. And it's completely okay. Like I said before, there's gonna be plenty of rejection on both sides.
Wrap‑Up, Feedback, And How To Reach Us
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and that's happened to us before. We have been in situations before three times, and uh I was laying with the bed and I leaned over to the woman and said, May I touch? And she she said, Um, it's just him and I tonight. Yep. And I really appreciated that. And again, I respect that. Again, it was their night, it was their thing. It happens on both sides. Absolutely. So don't feel that, you know, if if someone says no, you don't know what's going on behind that to know what the no is.
SPEAKER_00Yep, and know the reason of that. You don't need to.
SPEAKER_01You don't need to. Just like if you say no, you don't have to give a reason. No is a complete sentence. Yep.
SPEAKER_00No, thank you.
SPEAKER_01No, not tonight.
SPEAKER_00That's one thing in our society, I think, today is that we're all expecting that we're we feel as we have the right to know every little thing.
SPEAKER_01You do not know you don't need to know is a complete answer.
SPEAKER_00You don't need a an explanation why.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01On both sides.
SPEAKER_00On both sides. All right.
SPEAKER_01All right.
SPEAKER_00So those those all those questions were were questions we've received over the last couple, three weeks.
SPEAKER_01Yep.
SPEAKER_00This last group of questions, I think we got three or four more came in this morning, and we were like, oh wow, we gotta add these on. So these uh these ones are pretty interesting. So the first question is where to start and we with your first experience.
SPEAKER_01This this was from a couple. The couple emailed and said that they are um 62 and 63 and have always been curious about the lifestyle, but never but had an experience like 20 years prior, and it was great, but they never dabbled back in. And now that they're at a spot in life where they want to experience things, and where do they start? So their first question was where do we start?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, where do we start for a first experience uh or recommendations on where to start?
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Yep.
SPEAKER_01So I was gonna say if you are in a geographic location, so a city, you know, that maybe everyone knows everyone and you can't do it at home, that maybe a travel event would be great to plan. So, like, you know, Naughty New Orleans or a hotel takeover or um Bliss, uh hotel takeover would be kind of jumping in the deep end with not a lot of because you're gonna be in a confined space with so many people, but yeah. Not a lot of safety nuts.
SPEAKER_00Yep.
SPEAKER_01Um, and mostly hotel takeovers are not newbies, I will say that, but not in New Orleans and Bliss, that's a great place for people to jump in uh feet first because there's seminars, there's classes, there's events, there's parties, you can get away and go back to your room. You don't have to do anything, but you can. There's all kinds of people there, all body types, all ages. Yep. Um, and it's a supported event.
SPEAKER_00Atmosphere.
SPEAKER_01It's a yeah, supported atmosphere.
SPEAKER_00It's an environment where you can just go and just be watchers, voyeurs.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Uh expeditionists, right at both of those. Yeah, on the other side. Yeah, whatever we want.
SPEAKER_01New Orleans and Bliss were talking about.
SPEAKER_00I I would actually say uh, and only because it's it's fresh in our mind from Bliss, because again, like I had mentioned at the very beginning, uh, on this last cruise, now you're talking there was roughly 2,800 people on board. 60 percent, 60 percent were brand new to the lifestyle and brand new to Bliss Cruise, which I think is phenomenal. As we both talked about, we think this is phenomenal because this is our community, these are our people, and it's still growing. Now, does that mean that every one of them are 20-year-olds? Hell no. No, God, no. We met, as a matter of fact, the couple that we uh met and had some shenanigans with, uh, fairly new to the lifestyle. However, they've been around a couple years, but it was the first Bliss cruise, and they absolutely loved it. They thought it was the best thing ever. And as a matter of fact, I think they booked their next one already. Yeah, yeah. And that's what tends to happen on these cruises is that people get on board and they realize it's not sex, sex, sex right in your face, face, face. It's all this real classy, sexy hotness to where you can have a great adult uh vacation. Um, no kids on board. Did I mention there's no kids on board? No kids on board, great sexy people of all ages, 20-year-olds all the way up to and that whole spectrum is the whole spectrum.
SPEAKER_01The whole spectrum. There are nudists only that are on this cruise. Yes, good point. There are soft swap couples, those are couples who don't do penetrative sex, who do you know oral and and everything leading up. There are full swap couples, there are poly couples, there are triad couples on on bliss. But that's the same thing at Naughty. Naughty, Naughty New Orleans is the same, same vibe.
SPEAKER_00Same vibe. Absolutely. So for your first uh attempt to get your toes wet, I would say bliss crews are Notting Orleans. So I think you're right, you're spot on. Yep. All right, so uh the next question are we too old? Well, uh Hell no.
SPEAKER_01Hell no. Hell no. You're never too old.
SPEAKER_00And uh and I would say that because um, you know, obviously be here in Florida, we have a wide spectrum of ages and diversity, of you know, all the kinds of diversity, honestly. Yeah. Uh however, we made uh made a we were on our way, we went up north uh around Ocala for a weekend getaway trip. Wasn't planning on doing anything lifestyle at all. It was just a a getaway weekend. We were gonna get a hotel, be quiet, and just have a you know an uh a Coron Max kind of weekend and just enjoy ourselves. And then I just happened to get on SDC. You just happened to get on to get on SDC. SDC, if not if you guys aren't aware, is one of those sites out there you can get on, find couples like you that might want to be in the lifestyle or are in the lifestyle, and you can meet other people. Well, I happened to find out, and I'd never even thought that we were pretty damn close to the villages, and uh so we went uh we I found a meet and greet that we were there was 250 people supposed to be there now.
SPEAKER_01Guys, we went to a meet and greet at the villages.
SPEAKER_00We went to a meet and greet in the villages, and as we walked in, as we walked in, lo and behold, we were the youngest ones there by now. I'm saying this politely, the fact that we're not young, nor are we extremely old, but we were um we were the youngest. There was people there in their 80s.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we were the youngest there by 20 years. 20 years, 20 years we were the youngest, easy, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I have never, and we uh we we thought about leaving because we felt a little uncomfortable. However, we had the time of our life, the conversations, the experiences that were shared, the dancing, the smiling, the fun, and that proved to us right there in that one time and space that we were gonna be doing this forever, forever until you die, that's till you die.
SPEAKER_01That's our that's us.
SPEAKER_00So are you too old?
SPEAKER_01No, hell no.
SPEAKER_00No, no, no, you're only as old as you feel, and just get out there and have the time of your life and enjoy this together as a couple. Now, I will also turn this around and say, and I'm gonna throw this at Miss Cora here, and I'm gonna give her a second to kind of you know grasp this, but um, are we too young? I mean, there's also a big, big, yeah, big group of you guys out there, I'm sure, that are probably thinking, well, are we too young? Because we're only in our 20s or maybe 30s. Right. Are we too young for the lifestyle?
SPEAKER_01That I I think that's also a no. However, I think younger people need to take a little bit more caution. And I say younger meaning people in younger relationships.
SPEAKER_00It's all about the relationship.
SPEAKER_01So I get I get a little concerned, I think, whenever people maybe have only been in their own relationship for like, you know, six months or a year, and then they're wanting to add people. That makes me a little bit nervous. And again, this is just my personal opinion. It works really well for some people who have confidence and who who you know who know the world and can communicate through it and and make sure to keep their feelings in check.
SPEAKER_00And I guess you may never know, and we actually met a couple like this, and this this is actually a good segue into this piece is that you never know what their background is. We met a couple up at Caliente a few years ago that uh they lo and behold hadn't met at Caliente through their parents who were members at Caliente. Yeah, who were nudists. And uh they met, and then next thing you know, they were like, huh, let's, you know, and then they transitioned to lifestyle. They were nudists at the time, but transitioned to lifestyle, and they're enjoying the shit of themselves um up and around Kentucky area.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, and so that's what I would just caution is young in the relationship, uh, and and and make sure that communication, everything, all the other rules, in my opinion, would stay the same. Make sure that communication is strong, make sure you debrief, make sure you talk, talk, talk, and share your life.
SPEAKER_00Do not stress communication enough.
SPEAKER_01Right. It it's a big, big deal.
SPEAKER_00All right, all right.
SPEAKER_01The last question on this list is do you have to have the perfect body to be in the lifestyle?
SPEAKER_00The answer is I would throw that back at you and say, please describe me the perfect body.
SPEAKER_01That's exactly right.
SPEAKER_00There is no perfect body. There is no perfect body. And when you're when you finally step into if you're newbies and you're finally you're thinking about stepping into one of these situations, quickly just you know, take a look around. And I'll guarantee you, no matter what the situation, no matter where you're at, uh, at least in our 12 years, there I cannot think of a place where I haven't stopped and just take a look around and see you're gonna find people just like you. They might be, they might be a little bit more overweight, they might be not in shape, they might be, but guess what?
SPEAKER_01Might be older, might be younger.
SPEAKER_00They all have penises, they all have vaginas, they have boobs. Everybody we all have the same, we're bringing everything to the table is the same. Uh, and in our minds. And what that's the part that intrigues me the most about the lifestyle is the I call it the social experiment of uh this whole thing is a social experiment and how people's minds are, you know, and everybody's interacting in this lifestyle. And so everybody's come to the table with something a little bit different, however, with the same parts.
SPEAKER_01Right. Yeah, I I like that. Um, I will say that lifestyle, at least for us, has upped our health and fitness game.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you have to. I'm gonna be honest with you.
SPEAKER_01For us, uh, we I am in better shape today than I was 12 years ago, and I would attribute it much to the lifestyle.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and nobody wants to have a heart attack in the middle of a stroke in one okay.
SPEAKER_01Exactly, exactly. You you you need to have some stamina, you need to have some endurance. You know, you're you're being you're dating again. You know, if you've been married for 30 years, you're dating again. So, and it's attractive. People who take care of themselves are attractive.
SPEAKER_00They are, and they have that confidence and they have that self-esteem to where they will be they will be attractive on more than one one level. Now, and I'm saying that just because you're not in shape though, you're not attractive. No, I have we have met couples, we have met couples and talked to couples, and for again, for me, it's a turn-on when I talk to the lady and she actually, you know, carries a conversation, and there and there's something about her that's intriguing and sexy to me that is about her personality and about her life, and about that she is a mom and that she is hot, and then she's still doing all that, and she is trying to take care of herself. She might not be there at the moment, whatever. It doesn't matter. That's why I say there's always there's always something left to the mind. Um, and just you know, meet people and talk to them.
SPEAKER_01Right, right. So the answer to that is no, you do not have to have the perfect body absolutely.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_01There are all kinds of body types, just like ages in the lifestyle. Um, everything that you can think of.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, as a matter of fact, um, on this bush cruise, and I was like, I wanted to go over and give her a high five. Remember the lady that was in a wheelchair in the middle of a well, she wasn't in the middle of the play bed, but in the middle participating in a play environment. And she was in it, you know, confined to a wheelchair, and I was like, Hell yeah, get it, girlfriend. Love that have a blast with it.
SPEAKER_01The the inclusiveness.
SPEAKER_00Inclusiveness, exactly amazing.
SPEAKER_01Amazing. I love that part of a lifestyle. And that is our people. That's our community. And I cannot state it enough that the community is the best part of a lifestyle.
SPEAKER_00No. Wow. All right. So we've uh we've summed up. I think we caught up on all of our mailbag questions to this point. And that uh that kind of concludes this episode, episode 10. We're already on 10, folks. And uh we will be bringing you some more uh episodes. We're getting back out in the road and uh look forward to bringing you guys an episode on bliss as well as an episode on secrets will be coming up here soon. And uh again, hopefully maybe at some point we'll come back because I really enjoyed this part. The uh question-answer part really is really kind of cool. Yeah, and uh we will uh we'll make sure we do this again for you guys as well. And remember that to get in contact with us, how can they get in contact with us if they have questions or concerns or you can send an email to nextdoor swing at gmail?
SPEAKER_01You can also send me messages on our Instagram DM and then our Facebook DM as well. I I I look at all of those as well.
SPEAKER_00Feel free to give us feedback because we love the feedback. And from all you guys out there, can't mention you all that have given us feedback to this point, or even uh have said, hey, you guys got to come check out this club or this resort. That's it. We're going to, we're coming to you. It's just a matter of uh can we fit it in in 2026 or 2026? We're already booking 2027 stuff. So uh just uh look for that uh coming up and uh keep your questions and we'll continue to answer those questions as as closely as we can.
SPEAKER_01That's right. All right, until next time. Have a great day. Bye.
SPEAKER_00See you guys. Thanks for listening. Please support us by sharing this episode with your friends and other lifestylers.
SPEAKER_01Also, follow our social medias. At Instagram, we are next door swing, YouTube is nextdoor swing, and Facebook is also nextdoor swing. And if you want to check out our spicy content, head on over to OnlyFans, and the link is Nextdoor Swing.